1104 0611

it is not 4d no for ppl to buy and strike.



it is the day when something happened.

my band has officially disband.

actually we only wanted to replace 2 members due to some prob.

but end up the others left one by one because of 1 member.

did not expect things to turn out like tis, to my surprise.

haiz..

and e prob is due to guy D telling me some stuffs bout guy B, den i stupid stupid belive him. should haf talked out e probs wif guy B. and i bet they dunno that guy D was e one who suggested it, and yet he tell D bout me....me... stoopid fella



Guy L wanted to get his friend in as guitarist, but he left too.cuz guy R left too. den guy D left, so guy K oso leave with him. wah kaoo... is tt so called brotherhood/yi qi... damn euu all

even if i manage to find members to replace them, guy L said tt he dun think he would want to stay. damn lar... ... feelin frustrated & sad.



the most disappointing thing is guy D left cuz he said tt he wanted to do retraining on his own, and there r a lot of stuffs tt he nd to handle. hah?

in e beginning, he said tt he will stay and help, will never leave...hahha.. say something that is so nice and yet leave me alone.

in an instant, i was lost.

it was till then that i realise that he has been my jing1 shen2 zhi1 zhu4 all the while.pillar of mentality that i lean on.. dunno wad it is called in english.

wanted to scold him, but i couldn't bring myself to scold him, and i hate him, but couldn't bring myself to hate him... wtf

and i dunno y.. for wad.. i cried over the phone.. cried like shit liddat

well ........ dun want to force him. and i think it is time that i should let go.



fine fine fine

look at the bright side, at least i wouldn't haf to worry bout such stuffs anymore. isn't it good?

look at the dark side, guess they are still angry wif me.

i was being too rash, and i should not haf tell guy B bout e decision tt i made wif guy D.

guess they r all still angry wif me.



but one thing for sure

they dun wan to be friends with me anymore



no matter wat, life still haf to go on.

haiz



and as for him, it seems tt he still treats me as friend

welll fine it is k

as long as he is happy

i am happy too ^^

been a one sided thing all e way , i guess

at times, i can feel some feelings and cares from him

nah... it has been past issues ler

but i am still hoping that he would do something like, gif me a call to chat at times, if not , juz a simple sms sayin nites/morning will do too.

haiz.i shld let go ler .... ....

*smacks my hand to let go*

*no.. i dun want to let go.. no.. pls ..juz gif me some hopes..mayb there will b miracle*

*smacks again.. dun b so naive.. there is no such thing as miracle*

(some internal quarrelin within myself. lameee ...)



realise tt:

- i am not a good leader . dun wan to b leader anymore liao

- think too much.shld learn to relax..0_o

- dun trust ppl too much. u nvr know what they will say behind euu. u nvr know what they will do next.

- dun b so rash. if there is any prob u think u cannot solve, talk to ur friends/members, at least can some doubts clarified. dun alwaz think tt tis guy cannot b trusted, tt guy seems to b bo chiap de, nooo.. u nvr knoe who is there to help euu.