yukata photoshoot

yesterdae went for the yukata photoshoot at chinese garden.

it turned out tt a lot of ppl cannot make it at last min. so , i called dave , jeno, siti to join us. but siti was busy, couldn't come. at least there were 2 photographers who came along and took nice pix of us. (vtx and p7m13).the photographers also took pix of the nice scenery, plants .

this is the first time my sis joined in for a photoshoot, so she didn't know how to pose. so, i had to teach her some ways of posing , smiling naturally, how to show expressions etc. somemore, we were in our yukatas. so there is restriction on the poses, no exaggeration of body language, cannot act funny, cannot do candid shots, cannot act cute, haf to b more feminine and lady poses.

dave and jeno were being funny most of e time. candid siah ~~
wore e getai and walked around. i managed to walk around in tt, despite tt it is a bit small. but i can still walk around .lol. at e end of e dae, my ankle hurts. ouch!

too bad jeno went off first . T_T . e photoshoot ends at 6 plus. i can see tt everybody enjoyed themself, though there is little ppl for e ps. i saw some of the pix in e camera tt p7m13 took. woah.the pix looks nice.so do my sis and i. haha.
can't wait for them to send me e pix after photoshop. hahaha.

whispers
*muzmakesuretheyphotoshopmypimplesoffmyface*

lol.
will post up e pix once it's done.

next yr, i will be goin for more photoshoots. yeah! it has been a long time since i went for photoshoots lor. the last photoshoot i went for before the yukata photoshoot, was bout 1 yr ago in a studio.

bottled up

the thought of you fills my mind
the thought of you makes me smile and laugh

i want to feel ur warmth against my skin
wrapped in your hug
lost in your endless love

looked at the pictures that i took of you
read the letters that you gave to me
practiced the kiss that you gave

lost in your brown eyes tt mesmerised me
unable to sleep at nite
been listening to love songs lately
reminds me when we are dancing together

everything is nothing but a dream

jamming session

i missed the jamming sessions though i only jammed twice with my current band.

the first time jamming with them was fun and it was 3 months back. i was the 3rd guitarist aka back up vocal,and er..aka the manager of band. i gathered the rest of members of whom i know together. and each of them have their own skills and are not bad.

first jamming was at LCube. it was noisy. everybody was excited about it. took 1 hour to tune guitar and drums, argh, cuz we are beginners, cannnot blame ar. sang cassis and D.L.N. the female vocalist does not know the D.L.N song, so i took over and sang. i was veri hyper and happy, cuz i finally get the chance to sing along with the band members playing.

the drummer, bassist, 2 guitarists get along quite well, which was out of my expectation(all of them are guys except vox and me). it turned out tt bassist knew e 2 guitarists already. and he and I had the same intention of askin the same guitarist to join us. but it turned out tt he also called in another guitarist whom i didn't thought of. so i became e 3rd guitarist aka back up vocal. cuz e vox has a high pitch voice, while mine is low .

den the guys started to play freestyle. e drummer and bassist can get along and haf e chemistry in playin e music together. and they only got to meet each other for the first time only! den they played L`arc En ciel song, "Ready Steady Go!" the 2 guitarists does not know how to play tis song, but upon only hearing e drums n bass part, in an instant, i recognize e song, and i sang along. it feels great! woah! yeah! baby! cooool ! kewl!!

suddenly, i dunno wad happen the rhythm guitarist joined in, and they played heavy metal style. my ears pricked up in an instant, and i said, "wah! heavy metal ahr? siao ah?hmmmm...' i hesitated , den i compose the music on the spot, by singing randomly. sang english lyrics, but it was mixture, random lyrics tt i could think of. haha. den i growled low which u often hear in metal music. i can growl a bit la. it was fun doin tt! hahahaha! den e lead guitarist joined in growling with me, after he hear me sing. we had fun doin tt! hahahahah! apparently, e female vox sittin on e floor does not like metal music, but is a hardcore fan of Jrock music.

all e way she was sittin on the floor , lookin through my official score book and her lyrics. i tried to get her interact with us, but it seems tt she does not want to join in. siannn.

e rhythm guitarist keeps playing guitar part solo, so does e lead guitarist. both of them are quite good. i only a beginner at guitar, still practicing hard. yesterday, finally can tried to sing the chorus part of 'cassis' and strum while singing, and e part where Ruki sing and strum together(after Uruha's guitar solo).

upon the thought of being e 3rd guitarist aka back up vox, makes me feel uneasy and demoralized. but the drummer kept consoling me and tried to persuade me tt my role is impt too. and there are Jrock bands in japan which also haf 3 guitarists. hmm.

few wks after the 1st jamming, the guys feedback to me tt they do not want the female vox, and want me to be the vox instead. i was both happy and sad! sad tt we haf to kick her out of band. happy tt i became e vox.
after discussions, it was concluded tt though e vox can sing, but:
- prob lies wif her character, thinkin
- she onli wants to sing and not learn any instrument
- don't like to interact wif e others.

e guys want me to be e vox, due to followin reasons:
- cheerful, can control the atmosphere of the audience (impt esp when doin lives at concert)
- can control voice volume (i think is bcuz i got a loud voice bah)
- thinkin ( i wan to learn to sing and play guitar at e same time. coool! self challenge!)

hmm. anywae, i hope tt she can find a grp to join which she likes.

gtg. nitez.

mixture feelings

haiz. haiz.

i dunno wad to say bout him. He form his own band, and his requirements are different from us. i know that his expectations are high, but he is trying to hide it, trying to lower it, so as to seek the potential ppl out.

Just now I sms him and clarified things with him.
it was till now then i realise that there is lack of communication between us. even though we know each other for months, but i still dun understand him. so wad if i try to do that? even though we are on good terms, so?

i was foolish enough to have some foolish thoughts bout him. he will not do things within my expectations. he knows wad he wants to do and knows how to get it.

i admit that i am lazy. due to my family and com prob, i was unable to download the program that they sent. i dun dare to tell them , not even him, cuz i was afraid that he may laugh at me and may think that it is just a stupid excuse for not doin my part.

and i realise that my indecisiveness leads to today's situation.
blame myself
blame myself for forming the band?
blame myself for thinking that band is cool?
blame myself for trying to make my dreams come true?

i tried to communicate with him
tried to understand him
but the door of his world is alwaz closed on me

also blame myself for the infatuation
damn damn damn
wake up to the reality world
suddenly realised a lot of stuffs

everybody is growing
ppl has their own expectations and dreams
ppl are not as easy as they looks like

now, i am in doubt of myself
just when i thought that i am in control of the whole situation
things are actually not within my control.

should i quit or should i continue?
but , i do not wish to live my life plainly
i want to do things before the day i leave
before i am too old to do anything
i dun want to live the life that my family expects from me
get a boyfriend, work, get married, have kids, become housewife for the rest of my years
no

speechless
lots of things that i want to say
but this damn computer has no chinese language installed!
i can't write in chinese using tis damn com!
arghhh!
my chinese is better den my english. (pls pardon me for my broken english)

i could have chosen to go for proper vocal lessons at HaiDie, and get spotted by the teachers, and go abroad for better future.
but i don't want to . u can say tt i am stupid for not doin tt. cuz i want to stay with my band and be with them.
i used to b solitary, but since the day i joined SPLA.
i like to be with a group of good friends tcss.

tt is y i chose to form a band.
well, i guess i should look on the bright side, and continue my life.
things will get better somehow.

self consoling again. haiz ... ... i used to counsel and console my friends. i am good at consoling ppl and make them feel happy and feel that hopes are everywhere. but, come to think of it, no one bothers to console and cares bout me. hmm.. except for my family members and some friends only.

my sis commented tt all these prob can be avoided, but i asked for it. she disapprove of my band and cosplay stuffs. but, i don't like her to disapprove it. but as time passes by, i realise that i dun have to do wad she likes. juz as long as i am happy with my current life.

lately, my feelings become more and more mixtured. there was tis period of time, when i dun feel any feelings at all.

no joy, no tears, no worries, no frustrations, no surprises.

wad i had on my face was juz plain blank expression. anything that happen on me, i juz brush it aside and treat it like nothing happened. try doin tt for 1 whole day, 1 week, 1 month.. ... ...

but suddenly, this person juz came into my life. and makes me feel flustered again. it has been a long time since i felt tis way. but too bad.

it is either too late or too early.

though we get along quite well, but there is the age issue that is serious. and i am sure tt ppl around us will be so totally surprised. i dunno how he feels bout me and wad he is thinkin. anywae, being friends is good enough. i wouldn't want to lose this good friend if i confess. been suppressing my feelings, and tellin myself that reality hurts, better to keep it to myself, stop crying at nite on the bed, look on the bright side, being friends ain't nothing wrong, is good to keep relationship in this way.

well, did a lot of soul searching. haha. hmm. .. ... .. speechless. speechless when i see him. speechless when i see another him. speechless when i see the "cixi empress" at home.

arghhh. being emo again. though i appear to b a happy-go-lucky person in front of my friend, actually when i am alone, i tend to think a lot of stuffs. emo. is it alwayz good to pity on her? is it really k tt i am kind to ppl? when ppl dun even appreciate it.

phew. long time no blog. now , i am actually blogging such a long essay. hhaaha. update u guys again.

oh ya. do watch out for some of my own composed songs, stories (fan fiction), drawings.
damn. i dun haf a scanner at home, can't scan my drawings. looks like i haf to borrow my friend scanner or do it at some other place. damn. i really prefer to type in chinese, den in english. i can express better in chinese den english. mayb i can try bloggin at some lan shop with chinese words program.

gtg. haf to do housework ...looks at the time. oops. didn't realise tt i haf been bloggin for the past 1 hour. hahha. aiya. tml den do housework la. veri lazy. hahaa. usually i do housework on weekends. cuz after work on weekdays, i reach home after 8 due to overtime work. too lazy to do housework. no energy.

^-^ ~~~~ always look on the bright side of life (whistles) x4

blank

being random. wrote this durin work.

**-___-__ ____ ____-____-__-**

Cannot breath
Wings spread out
Unable to fly
Unable to stay on the spot
Attention distracted

Look ahead at the blue sky
Thought of all the memories that binds me down
Always wondered why am I at the same place
Where is the old me?
Buried underneath the pile of yellow photos
Tried searching back the courage that I used to have

But to no avail

Lost in some unknown place
Where people call it reality

Running away from it everyday
Anxiety, fears build up as time goes by

When will I break down?
The emotions is not on my face
Just like an expressionless doll

link link

can anyone tell me how to link frends from my blog to their blog?

thx a lot.

help

red tears

been a long time since i last blogged.

has been thinking a lot of stuffs lately.


- ___ ____ ___________ ________-

the words u said hurts me
the way u look at me
makes me feel sad
i want to share your pain
i want to know how u feel
pls let me know
pls do not run away

it takes courage for one to tell the truth
even though the truth hurts
but i am willing to listen to it
even if it soothes your heart after saying everything

your tears makes my heart writh
your shaking shoulders makes me
want to hold you in my hug
i want to be there for you always

even if i know that i am not there in your heart
i just want you to know that
If you need help
I will be here

with the candle in my hand
I want to light your way with hopes
you are not alone
just reach out your hand
I will pull you through
pls believe me

no matter how much time it will take

after all the tears and heart writhing moments
we will be stronger
together, hand in hand
the path we go on will be better
with the strength in us
we will face tomorrow with more confidence and courage


-____ ________ _____________ ____ -

to someone whom I am missing your voice and feel