11 nov

Bored . . . Now at work. But i am blogging usin my hp. Can't log in to blog usin company computer.
the members for e jrock gal group have all been gathered ! Yeah! And we r meetin tis sun! I can't wait to see them. All can attend except for e lead guitarist. Cuz she is from japan. She will be migratin to sg in mid dec. And she is only 18. Tt means i am e eldest in e grp. But i dun mind. She has lots of experience, been in 3 bands, main is bassist. But we already have an experienced bassist , so we decide to take her in as guitarist. Cuz she can play guitar too. She also can play keyboard and sing. Wah seh!
it is good to start early esp for music career. Sometimes i really envy ppl whose parents are supportive of wad they do, esp for music career.
i am in mid 20s . Though i am still young, but i do feel old at times. And i only get started tis yr. Actually wanted to form and join band when i was 19. But i was still studyin , and is in ite. So decided to concentrate on studies. Partially is also bcuz of my mom. She strongly disapprove of my japanese culture fetish. My passion for japan music and fashion increased after i joined cosplay. It brought fun, live, excitement to my life. So, i decided not to let her know tt i am in a band. She will definitely go against e idea. My bro is supportive of it . he himself wanted to learn drums, but mom found it veri noisy. My sis is partially supportive, cuz she thinks tt i should be concentrating on my bankin career. But seriously, now i dun have the heart to work in my current job. I really wish to pursue music as career. So , i thought of workin in bank on weekdays. On weekends, i will go jammin and do music. Though it will be busy, but at least i will live the way i like it. In tis way, i still have money for living. I am sure tt my dad will support me. He always say, "go. Go for it. If u can do it . Why not ? U r still young . Go for it. "
i really hope to do it. Though there is little support, i myself must work hard. I will support myself.
walkin alone down the path is lonely.
if possible, and if lucky, i do hope to find a boyfriend who supports me in whatever i do.
Hmmm. I miss him. Wonder how is he doin now. Miss him a lot. Tt nite, i mesg him. 我忍不住的告诉他，我很想他。他没有回答我的简讯。好伤心。有时候，我可以感觉到他也是喜欢我。但是，他很害臊。他有点大男人主义 。而我是大女人主义。但是，我愿意 迁就他。很多时候都是我在妥协他。不知道他有没有发现到。我也不介意年龄的差距。
希望他能好好的照顾自己。

blah blah

clearin leave for tis few days.
shiok ah..
i go down to clubhouse and slack like siao.
use the internet, watch anime/dramas, read comics, practiced my drawing etc etc
a good way to spend the afternoon away
feelin sleepy loh. juz now watched the japanese drama , "liar game".
it is a mind boggling show. it is about a rich man who does not believe in human, believes strongly that humans are selfish, will betray one another in order to keep themself survive. so the rich man hosted a game. the game involves 10 player. 5 players in each team. at the start of the game, the player are given 1 million yen . each round, players are assigned some tasks to do, in the process of it, they need to lie their way through, in order to win. their prize is 100 million yen. prize money will increase as the stages advanced. some of them lost their money and ended up in debts of million yen. woah. interestin....

saw aries few days ago at PS. been a long time since i met her.missed her so much. she is my good friend. she busy studyin for O level for past few months, no wonder didn't hear from her. yuxing busy working and fallin in love.. no wonder la. oso no contact me. sometimes i mesg her, she took a long time to reply. haiz..

finally got my OT claim few days ago, 400++ . yeah! tis is the first time in months tt i collected so much for OT claim. but i spend it most of it away these few days.. skin care pdts, food, transport blah blah..

stronger ^^

thx to euu

i am gettin stronger than ever.

^^
i will take care of myself
realised that there is more than life

__----____----_____

night time again
bed time again
changed my perspective about you
and tears are the past i used to have

sunshine up again
smiling away again
threw away the photos that i kept
that i used to look at everynight

(chorus)
gathered back the courage
with the laughters to forget worries
hatred and disbelieve thrown away
learnt to look ahead
standing up and running towards the unknown future
without looking back

running ahead again
sweating away again
threw away the troubles that you gave
and picked up the joy i used to have

sunshine up again
smiling away again
another day to start without you
and tears are not here as usual

(chorus)

*thx to help from a frend*

fri nite

feelin sian nah ~~~ nuthin to do. edit my friendster profile,update blog .. blah blah

haf lots of composed songs that i haf only wrote lyrics, but music not composed finished.
sometimes when i feel happy or sad, i haf a lot of inspirations.
that day when I was left alone, later in the night, i haf lots of things and words goin on in my mind. lots of inspirations. anger , disappointment, sad filled me.
couldn't sleep ..so the very next day, while at work, i also wrote more songs.

so, sometimes, i will post random song lyrics that i came up wif. also haf to thanx Taz for helping in the composing of music. (my imaginary friend)

ytd was public holiday, deepavali
*dances the indian dance in sari**

haha. i stayed at home and finally finished watchin "shakugan no shana"vcd.yeah!!
after finishing watching the show, i dunno y, i think it is due to the show. i got the courage to mesg him and wish him good nite and stay happy. i siao arh? hahaha
aiyaa... can still b friends de mah..

lalallala~~~not sleepin so early
last mon got flu for whole day, den tue still got flu, still feelin more sick, wed really cannot tahan ler , go see doc, got half day mc, supposed to go home rest. but i went back school instead. chatted wif the spla ppl and slacked for awhile, den jeno suggested to go jamming together, so went all e way to the jamming studio near chinese garden which is only $13 per hour! cheap leh! at least by the afternoon, i was feelin better ler. but haf sore throat, after e jammin session, my sore throat got even worse.. argghhh.. jeno apologise for jammin in my tis kind of sick situation. aiya..nvm de la.. tt was e last jammin wif him ler. think no more jammin session wif e guys liao.. sian ... missed them.

today feelin much much better liao. tis few days been practicing Girugamesh and Onmyouza song, houyouku Tenshou and kami no furumeki.. wah seh.. tiring but shiok leh!! sing so high and project my voice loud. siong ah! haha.

gtg.. nitez...

late in the night

i dun hate you anymore
but i miss you even more
forgiven, not forgotten
despite all the things that happen

memories coming back
each night when i rest
forgiven, not forgotten
despite I may not be the one

(chorus)
with the music playing by my ears
to soothe my heart
but the more i listen
brings back even more memories
tried to hold back
but couldn't resist
the fact is i am still missing you

thinkin of back then
smiling to myself
forgiven, not forgotten
thought of you warms my heart

i dun wanna care anymore
all the words that you said
forgiven, not forgotten
are lies or truth

(chorus) *2


(in collaboration with Taz. Thx. ^^)

1104 0611

it is not 4d no for ppl to buy and strike.



it is the day when something happened.

my band has officially disband.

actually we only wanted to replace 2 members due to some prob.

but end up the others left one by one because of 1 member.

did not expect things to turn out like tis, to my surprise.

haiz..

and e prob is due to guy D telling me some stuffs bout guy B, den i stupid stupid belive him. should haf talked out e probs wif guy B. and i bet they dunno that guy D was e one who suggested it, and yet he tell D bout me....me... stoopid fella



Guy L wanted to get his friend in as guitarist, but he left too.cuz guy R left too. den guy D left, so guy K oso leave with him. wah kaoo... is tt so called brotherhood/yi qi... damn euu all

even if i manage to find members to replace them, guy L said tt he dun think he would want to stay. damn lar... ... feelin frustrated & sad.



the most disappointing thing is guy D left cuz he said tt he wanted to do retraining on his own, and there r a lot of stuffs tt he nd to handle. hah?

in e beginning, he said tt he will stay and help, will never leave...hahha.. say something that is so nice and yet leave me alone.

in an instant, i was lost.

it was till then that i realise that he has been my jing1 shen2 zhi1 zhu4 all the while.pillar of mentality that i lean on.. dunno wad it is called in english.

wanted to scold him, but i couldn't bring myself to scold him, and i hate him, but couldn't bring myself to hate him... wtf

and i dunno y.. for wad.. i cried over the phone.. cried like shit liddat

well ........ dun want to force him. and i think it is time that i should let go.



fine fine fine

look at the bright side, at least i wouldn't haf to worry bout such stuffs anymore. isn't it good?

look at the dark side, guess they are still angry wif me.

i was being too rash, and i should not haf tell guy B bout e decision tt i made wif guy D.

guess they r all still angry wif me.



but one thing for sure

they dun wan to be friends with me anymore



no matter wat, life still haf to go on.

haiz



and as for him, it seems tt he still treats me as friend

welll fine it is k

as long as he is happy

i am happy too ^^

been a one sided thing all e way , i guess

at times, i can feel some feelings and cares from him

nah... it has been past issues ler

but i am still hoping that he would do something like, gif me a call to chat at times, if not , juz a simple sms sayin nites/morning will do too.

haiz.i shld let go ler .... ....

*smacks my hand to let go*

*no.. i dun want to let go.. no.. pls ..juz gif me some hopes..mayb there will b miracle*

*smacks again.. dun b so naive.. there is no such thing as miracle*

(some internal quarrelin within myself. lameee ...)



realise tt:

- i am not a good leader . dun wan to b leader anymore liao

- think too much.shld learn to relax..0_o

- dun trust ppl too much. u nvr know what they will say behind euu. u nvr know what they will do next.

- dun b so rash. if there is any prob u think u cannot solve, talk to ur friends/members, at least can some doubts clarified. dun alwaz think tt tis guy cannot b trusted, tt guy seems to b bo chiap de, nooo.. u nvr knoe who is there to help euu.

wad to do ...

i miss him



miss him

miss him

aarggghhhhh

muz put him out of my mind

before i do anything crazy



aargggghhh

finish the whole bottle of medicine

getting drowsy

going to sleep soon

which I wanted to



so i can see him in my dreams

miss himm

miss him



kept doin things to keep myself busy

but getting lazy

even lazy to blog

so blogging in lines



and i dun even know how he feels

i want to know his prob

i want to help in every single way that i can



why are you escaping from me?

or are you feeling the same way as I do?

am i thinking too much?



tried to forget you

but I can't

using stupid ways to forget you

but it is no use



time to rest

close my eyes

when tears roll

images flashed through the mind endlessly



miss him

miss him

miss him

medicine

suddenly i realised

I am losing a lot of things

that is precious to me

because of you



suddenly i awoke

with mixture feelings

that puzzled me

because of you



though losing lots of things

but i am willing

to do everything for you

i don't know why

the feelings so strong

that i can't understand it myself



feeling sick

ate lots of pills

thought that it could cure



suddenly i realised



your smile is medicine for dizziness

your voice is medicine for headache

your warmth hug is medicine for cold

your loving kiss is medicine for cough



everything that i wish for from you

is nothing but a dream

day that i will not forget

a lot of things happened within this few months.



the band has reshuffled, changing members due to ns and different music preference & opinions, character etc.

dare not to tell them in the beginning, felt guilty after telling them.

most imptly, i hope that they will still live on happily.

i dun want them to bear any grudge with me.

decisions are easy to make, but difficult to implement.
will not forget the day.

few mths ago, i was worrying about 2 of them leaving us. but it turned out tt i mistook one of them, who stil wants to carry on with us, but somehow, it seems that he is concentrating more on his other group. and the other, he comforted me instead, and kept assuring me tt he will not leave, will guide us, and there is no reason for him to leave. tt calmed me down, and emo again ... arghh... i actually cried after readin e sms. haiz.



how come i keep misunderstood ppl in the first place?



started goin for vocal lesson last month. so far, only went for 2 lessons, but it did help me a lot already. wah.. imagine after 6 months of lesson, i will upgrade to a better vocalist. yeah!

jeno wanted me to sing songs by Onmyouza, which was a bit difficult for me to manage. cuz the female vocalist's voice range is higher den me. but juz now, after 30 min of practice, i can manage the song within my range, and a bit higher. well.gotta gambate! and i like to self challenge, tryin the impossibilities..heehee

no matter what happen, life still haf to go on.
*always look on the bright side of life~~~~*
heee^^
*always look at your bright smile~~~*
makes me happy
heee^^